What's Yo Numbah?

If my friends absolutely had to HONESTLY answer only one question from me, I'd ask them all, "What's yo numbah?!!?!"

And by "numbah," I mean Number of Sexual Partners, of course. Duh! Does anything else in the world matter more?

The reason why I'd choose this question is because I know that everyone fucking LIES their filthy asses off about this!

Isn't it fascinating how most men will say their Number is 20 and most women will say 3? How the fuck would this even be feasible? Does the population of sexually active women outnumber the population of men by that much? Ha! Doubtful. Which brings me back to my earlier point - we're all LIARS.

Come on, whores! Out with it! Spill the beans! Tell everyone your REAL Number so that I don't look like such a big slut! I KNOW you've really slept with over 10 men, you fucking liars!

Another interesting thing about your Number - I don't think that couples (whether they're dating, engaged, or married) should EVER EVER EVER tell each other their Numbers. People always wonder if they should ask about it, and I always tell them the same thing: "HELL NO! Nothing good can come of this! There is no good answer. Whether your guy or girl says 1, 3, 5, 10, 20, or 100, you'll probably be disappointed because he/she's inexperienced or too experienced. There is NO ANSWER that will make you happy." I'm so astute.

One last point about Numbers. I think that people's REAL Numbers would surprise the shit out of everyone. I know some party girls whose numbers are 3, and I know some innocent looking little Asian girls who take it up the ass from a different dude every weekend.

God I'd give anything to know what everyone's real Numbers are. ANYTHING.

By the way, Boo, if you're reading this, my number is 4. Unless I should count girls. Or if I have to count threesomes as 2. Or if I have to count the men whose names I've forgotten. Or if I have to count the times I don't remember having sex but am PRETTY sure it happened (damn alcohol and roofies...). In which case my number is ever so slightly higher. Do you still love me?

UPDATE: I LOVE the fact that one of my readers anonymously posted her Number! Anyone who comes across this post in the future, please post your age, gender, and Number. I'm DYING to know the truth about how much everyone is whoring it up out there.