WTF?! Blowjobs are Optional?!

Many of my successful girlfriends (the ones who have successfully locked down a man, that is) have told me that men need to be "trained" like puppies - scolded when they do something wrong and rewarded when they do something right.

I totally agree that this is probably the best way to go about getting what you want from a man, but I SUCK at this!

Example 1: A dude I was dating totally blew me off one day. What did I did I do the next time I saw him? I told him I was annoyed that he blew me off. Then, I cooked him dinner and fucked his brains out.

Example 2: I told a guy that I won't fuck him unless we're dating. He never asked me out on a date, so we've remained friends. Friends who fuck every time we get wasted.

Example 3: I gave a guy morning head. Afterward, when I told him I had to go home, he then rolled over and went to bed. He didn't even bother opening his eyes when he said "Bye."

As you all can see, I am HORRENDOUS at training men. So I asked some girls for tips on what I can use as "treats" to get men to behave.

And you know what I learned? A group of girls taught me that BLOWJOBS ARE TREATS! Can you fucking believe that?! They only give blowjobs to their men once in a looooooong time (and we're talking 2x / year here, people, not 2x / month)!

This blew my mind. I had always viewed blowjobs as a necessary part of a hook-up - like kissing, groping, slapping, scratching, biting, spitting, and getting naked. I NEVER thought I had the option of not giving a blowjob!

Here's an additional shocker: the same group of girls taught me that LETTING A MAN EAT YOUR BOX IS A TREAT!

I almost came and fainted when I heard this.

But I see their point. It IS a treat if a man loves it! And what a beautiful spin this is.

I can already imagine the possibilities...

"Boo, thanks for cooking dinner. You may eat my box now."

"Boo, thanks for the new necklace! You may eat my box now."

"Boo, thanks for the surprise trip to Saint-Tropez! You may eat my box now."

My world has changed.

All I need now is a new man to practice on! I'm going to become WAY better at this man training thing.

Good-bye, blowjobs! Hello, engagement ring!

Hmmm.... that sounds like a plan doomed for failure...