They Always Come Crawling Back

Believe it or not, I've been rejected before. But don't worry, rejection has been so infrequent that it hasn't hurt my self esteem at all. I would actually say it's been so rare that it has merely kept me grounded.

But there is a small group of losers out there who have rejected me. Let's call this band of idiots Not Even If You Begged.

The men of Not Even If You Begged share another thing besides sheer stupidity in common, and this is REGRET.

Hellssssssss yeah, assholes!

That's right. I've noticed a pattern lately that approximately 1 year after men dump me, they COME CRAWLING BACK.

It's so fucking insulting and pathetic.

And the amazing thing is how aggressive they are.

One guy had the nerve to come up to me while the dude I was with was in line for the bathroom. He then dissed the dude and proceeded to apologize to me, saying "I was so stupid for not dating you. I've realized since then how cool and fun you are. Would you ever want to hang out again?"

And my answer is always the same: "No. Never. You HAD your chance."

Muahahahaaaaaa. And it feels sooooooo damn good. I'd pick these moments over sex any day.

Another dude literally started STALKING me. He sent me text messages, emails, and voicemails. He then friended me on Facebook and tried IM-ing me. And every time he sees me in person, he tries to start a conversation with me.

And he gets the same answer as the rest of them: "No. Never. You HAD your chance."

Thank you, life. Thank you so so much. You are SO good to me.

I love thinking about what happened to these morons during the time between the dumping and begging. They probably dated some super hot but extremely dumb or generic girl, had awesome sex at first, got bored with her looks (because the appeal of someone's physical attractiveness ALWAYS wears off after a few months), then realized that they'd rather swallow glass than carry on a conversation with her.

How painful it must have been for them to realize that all that time, they could have instead been laughing at my jokes.

WHY did they not actually believe me when I screamed, "Do you REALLY think you'll find someone hotter, smarter, and funnier? You're fucking delusional. You're going to regret this! Go sew your wild oats, but I won't be here once you realize that banging a different stupid hot whore every weekend WILL get old! And FUCK YOU!"

Too bad. I was sweet enough to CLEARLY tell them what would happen, but I guess they wanted to learn their lessons the hard way.

And now I get to reject THEM.

Hahahaaaaaaaaaaa! I'm the happiest girl on earth.