Unfortunately for my love of all things expensive, I recently ditched my sweet ass gig on Wall Street where I was highly overpaid. This has left my appetite for designer clothing and accessories highly unsatisfied. I mean, clothes just gets so boring after you've already worn it! UGH! Why can't I wear something only once and then just chuck it in the trash can where it belongs?! Let some fucking homeless person suffer in last season's Marc Jacobs dress! My life is so hard. "America Land of Plenty" my ass!
Anyhow, I decided to find a way to supplement my income. Did I get a second job? Fuck no! That would have totally left me with inadequate time to pursue my passion for Grey Goose tonics with extra limes.
Instead, I decided that I should start fucking a rich dude in exchange for trinkets such as… oh I dunno… Christian Louboutin pumps and Bottega Veneta bags.
Finding rich mofos ain’t easy, especially because I’m a dorky number cruncher, not a statuesque model. So I decided to turn to the one thing in the world that has never failed me – the internet!
I posted a profile on SeekingMillionaires, and within 1 day started an email conversation with someone. And never have I felt filthier in my entire life. So of course I’m going to post the emails on this blog over the next few days!!!
Here are the first few. If exchanging sex for money makes you at all uncomfortable, I advise you against reading any further. If, on the other hand, you are like me and find exchanging sex for money FUCKING HILARIOUS, then LAP IT UP, motherfuckers!
Email 1: Millionaire to Me
You are so adorable it's sickening. You know... I think I can tell a little bit about you from your profile. You have good girl looks, but every once in a while, have bad girl tendencies. Kinda cute. ...just a vibe. How's the site working out for you? ...let me guess, you're probably getting quite a few creepy men sending you emails.....
Email 2: Me to Millionaire
Bad girl tendencies? Ha! Wouldn't you like to know... The emails I've received HAVE been creepy, but they're also ridiculously entertaining. And what are you hoping to find on the site?
Email 3: Millionaire to Me
You bet I'd like to know!! Do tell how bad you are (1-10) I'm a 9, haha LOL What brings you here? Curiosity, or perhaps an old man sex fetish, HaHa. Don't lie I know quite a few asian girls that have that fetish.
Email 4: Me to Millionaire
If you think you're a 9, then I must be at least a ... 12? Ha! And I do NOT have a grandpa fetish!! So what do you do in LA when you're not being naughty? (we can get to the naughty details later ...)
Email 5: Millionaire to Me
Oh I know you are energetic. The old man fetish is not for an acticity partner. Like I said, I have a friend who just loves how extremely taboo and naughty it is for a young asian girl to fuck an old horny white man. She likes getting fucked and sucking his cock while she playfully calls him daddy. But once the hour long fun is over, she is back with her young energetic friends and she looks innocent on the outside. That is her dirty dark secret. If you are a 12 you must have something like that. If you are a 12 I'm a 15. Cause I could think of all kinds of things I'd want to do with and to you, and I bet you'd veto them. Here is your chance to prove me wrong (all girls love doing that) and get to the naughty details in one easy motion :)
Mmmhmmmm..... Can't wait to see what happens next!
Posts
4 comments:
I love reading your blog! I have a friend who has had some bad dating experiences. She gave me permission to write you about one in particular.
First, the guy picked her up wearing the dirty, oily, coveralls he had worn at work that day.
Second, when he stopped at the ATM to get cash for dinner, he "wasn't able to take out any cash", so he tells her "Baby, I got food stamps! Let's go to Safeway and get something for dinner!" And then he had the nerve to think he was going to get laid!!!!
Every time I think of this I laugh so hard I just about wet myself.
Please continue the great writing. I really enjoy it!
Thanks for the kind words, Char! Your friend has awful luck. She also sounds WAY TOO NICE! She should really stop that. Nice girls don't get pampered and stalked by men who behave like pathetic little puppies.
If a man showed up at my house looking like a fucking farm hand, I would have thrown a bar of soap at him and slammed the door on his blue collar face.
And where does one even find a man who pays for food with food stamps?! Was your friend cruising the unemployment line? Lord help her. Tell her to think Ritz Carlton. Four Seasons. Gary Danko. Anyplace that has Ferraris valeted outside.
Tell her to read my blog. She'll learn so much. Ha!
I'm anxious to read about your date with "amber alert".
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