Is Romance Dead or Is It Just Avoiding the Shit Out of Me?

Consider this an update to my recent post on being a Sunday Night Girl. I've realized that there is one rung on the ladder below the Monday Night Girl. The girl I neglected is the Booty Text Girl.

Yes, at least the Monday Night Girl gets to hang out with a man who actually bothered to make plans in advance and schedule time with her, despite the less than desirable night of the week he offered.

The Booty Text Girl, on the other hand, gets no day of the week and doesn't get to mark her calendar with "Fuck Greg on 7/6." She just goes out with her girlfriends and maybe - just MAYBE - at 2 AM she'll get a text from "her man" that says "r u awake?"

The life of a Booty Text Girl is hard. Imagine never knowing for certain when your next fuck will be, living from fuck to fuck. How does she PLAN?! Does she make her bed every night before she goes out? Does she keep a toothbrush and condoms in her purse at all times? And does she still wax every weekend even if most weekends her soft hairless pussy will go unappreciated?!

God. I'd totally DIE if I were her.

Except...I think...I...AM...her. SHITFUCKITYFUCKFUCKSHITTYFUCK!!

I've been finding that none of the men I ever "date" actually ever schedule "dates" with me. There's no "Hey, let's do dinner on Thursday. What time do you get off work?"

Instead, I get a bunch of "I'll be out with my friends, but let's try to meet up afterward, if I'm still awake." Hahahah! Can you fucking believe that shit? TRY to meet up. IF I'M AWAKE.

GOD HELP ME.

Listen, I'm not even demanding that some dude court me the old-fashioned way like how it's portrayed on made-for-TV ABC Family romantic comedies. You know, when the dude cooks for the chick or takes her on cute excursions, like picnics and shit. All I'm asking is that FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE someone block off some time on my calendar IN ADVANCE and commit to it. And we don't even have to do anything special! We can fucking watch Netflix. Hell, I'LL even cook for HIS lazy ass! Is this too much to ask?!?! IS IT?!?!

UGH.

I am SO OVER dating. Where the fuck is My Future Boo.