Infidelity

This is one letter in a series of letters to My Future Boo ("The One" I've yet to meet).

Dear Boo,

I just found out that one of my best girlfriends was cheated on by her live-in boyfriend. They had been together for 5 years. She thought they were going to get married. And this girl is amazing - she's a 10, she makes bank, she's super fun, and she's a sweetheart. Basically, she = me + boobs + $ + a soul. And her DOUCHEBAG BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON HER.

But don't worry, Boo. I know that you're different. You're better than he is, which is why I decided to marry you. I TOTALLY trust you. And more importantly, I know that you know that if you ever cheated on me, it would be the BIGGEST mistake of your life. Because you'd lose me. And I wouldn't look back, no matter how much you begged and no matter what sexual fantasies you offered to fulfill. Even the one where we have a threesome with a Playboy bunny in a Bentley.

But I don't need to say any of this to you because you love me and would never cheat on me. Not even with the busty Latina HR girl or the skinny Asian corporate lawyer. Even if they wanted to go down on you simultaneously. Right? Right.

And of course I don't need to talk about what the financial consequences would be if you cheated on me. I mean, we already went over this in detail when I talked you out of that prenup. But hypothetically speaking, just for shits and giggles, what would make you more angry - (1) losing half your assets to me or (2) knowing that I'd use those assets to replace you with someone smarter, younger, hotter, and funnier and to whom I'd intentionally do all the dirty things in bed that I always refused to do with you, just out of venomous spite? Tee hee.

But enough about infidelity. It's something we'll never have to deal with. Like being poor, unattractive, under-dressed, or unpopular. So not happening to us. EVER.

So glad we're both on the same page. We really ARE soul mates!

Love you, Boo!
[still not telling]