How a Cab Driver Drove Me to Suicide

True story (as are all stories on this blog, believe it or not). I was in a cab talking on the phone with my mom. I told her that I'm hanging out with a dude who is smart and cool. I then confessed that he's also hot, which is something that my mom HATES. She has scolded me my whole life for caring about men's looks, which she believes is totally irrelevant when it comes to picking out a boyfriend or husband. Clearly, she's an idiot. But this isn't the point of this post.

The best part of the cab ride was AFTER I hung up the phone with my mom, when my FUCKING CAB DRIVER decided to ask me about my love life and offer me advice. He said, "So you're dating someone who you think is hot?"

"Yeah, and even I'm surprised," I joked.

And what did my sage cab driver say?

"Yes, I'm sure you like him. But the problem is he probably doesn't like you!"

And then he cackled for five minutes straight. I'm so glad he was amused.

HOLY FUCKING SHIT. If you never read anything from me again, know that it's because I've literally ended my life.