To Cuddle or Not to Cuddle

I wouldn’t describe myself as a “cuddler.” And I’m not talking about the cuddling you do on the sofa while watching The Notebook with your significant other. I’m talking about We Just Banged and Now We’re Cuddling cuddling. For some reason, after sex, I just prefer to not be touched. I just want to sleep, thanks. I find that this helps me pretend that what just happened never actually transpired.

So post sex the other night, when my hookup mentioned that he had to be at work early the next day, I was more than happy to say, “Oh. You can totally just go to sleep now. That’s fine with me. I’m tired, too.”

If my love life were even half as dysfunctional as it actually is, what would have happened next is that my hookup would have thanked me, rolled over, and started snoring within minutes.

But no, that is NOT what occurred. If you’ve been reading my blog, then even YOU know better than to believe that that’s what unfolded next.

So what DID happen?

The dude
- GOT UP,
- PUT ON HIS CLOTHES, and
- BOUNCED.

He lives 2 blocks from me.

It was 11:30 PM.

OMG.

Fuck. My. Life.


LESSONS LEARNED:
- Clearly state the following after every hookup: “I don’t care if you want to go home. You’re staying here and sleeping next to me, despite the fact that I don’t want you touching me or speaking to me. See you in the morning. Good night. Asshole. Oh yeah. We’re still doing brunch in the morning, too.”